The Darkest Days
by KayyLyn
Summary: Nearly four years after Harleigh disappeared, she returns to Chicago to rekindle friendships and relationships she thought she left behind for good. While there, she finds herself fighting harder than ever to save Lip from his demons, all while trying to save herself. Despite the time that passed between them, they find themselves needing one another more than ever. (TAT Sequel)
1. Chapter 1

Harleigh dialed the number for the hundredth time. She knew the Gallagher's all shared the same phone and she knew she'd have to be able to reach them eventually. The phone rang and rang until finally, a girl's voice answered.

"Stop calling this number," the voice growled. "After everything you put them through, don't you think it's time you take your fucked up life and disappear?"

Harleigh didn't know what to say. She wasn't entirely sure, but the voice sounded vaguely like that of Mandy Milkovich.

"Tell Lip or Fiona to call me as soon as they can," Harleigh growled. She was not in the mood to deal with childish games. "It's important."  
"If you call one more time…if you so much as step foot back on Chicago soil, I'll have you killed, I promise," the voice growled. Before Harleigh could respond, the line went dead. Harleigh sighed and stared down at the phone in her hand. She was sitting in a crowded hospital, nearly 600 miles from how, her heart literally breaking as she stared vacantly ahead.

"Miss Reid?" The doctor called her name. She looked up to see a younger woman than last time, her face covered with a mask. "You can see her now."

Harleigh silently stood, her hands trembling as she followed the doctor down the whitewashed hallway, her eyes locking on the various decals that were pasted to the walls in no particular rhyme or reason. She would become acquainted with those walls as the months would drag on.

* * *

 _Three Years Later_

Harleigh studied the view from her office window, for the first time, truly taking in the amazing hue that seemed to cast over the cityscape as the sun set. She watched as people left their jobs for the evening, returning home to their husbands and wives and children, their big homes and happy family dinners. Even after all those years, Harleigh still didn't have the same lifestyle as her coworkers or friends.

"Sad to leave?" Melony, her supervisor, asked as she helped Harleigh put the last of her belongings into the small box on the desk.  
"Not one bit," Harleigh said truthfully. "I'm looking forward to going home."  
"What about Al? How's she feel about moving?" she asked, referring to Harleigh's daughter, Alanna.  
"She's not even three yet, she doesn't know the difference. All she knows is she and her dog get to go on a long road trip," Harleigh chuckled. "Cody's excited to meet his niece though," she added with a smile. After three years of fighting the system, Harleigh had finally obtained full custody of her youngest sibling. While she tried her best to fight for Tess, the troubled teen had made it impossible for Harleigh to gain custody. She was the state's problem, serving a five-year sentence for armed robbery and possession of a firearm while on probation.  
"Is he meeting you in Chicago or are you picking him up before you go?" Melony asked.  
"He's taking a train to Chicago, he'll be there a week after we get in," Harleigh said with a smile. "Gives me just enough time to get the house in order."  
"I can't believe you bought that house. I saw pictures, it's a dump," she scolded. "You could have stayed here for half the price of buying that shithole."  
"That _shithole_ is home," Harleigh shrugged. "Besides, it's time to track down Al's family too," she said with a sly smile.  
"Still certain that hottie from the hood is her dad?" she teased. While Melony was Harleigh's boss, they had become close friends since she started working for her three years ago. Melony often watched Al overnight so she could work at the diner a few blocks over. Working sixteen-hour days meant it was hard to keep a steady sitter. Thankfully, the company she worked for during the day offered childcare.  
"There's no doubt in my mind," Harleigh smiled. She knew who Alanna's father was. He was the only person she had unprotected sex with. Despite her history as an escort, Harleigh always used protection with her clients and always took the morning after pill if she had any inkling that there may have been a mistake.  
"I still can't believe you're going back. With that many people wanting you dead, you'd think you'd never want to return," Melony sighed. "Your own family has a death threat hanging over your head."  
"Jake's serving twenty to life for vehicular manslaughter while under the influence and TJ's somewhere on the west coast right now," Harleigh reminded her. "And Monty's been dead for a year. I think it's safe to go home."  
"What about the bitch that threatened you when you tried to touch base with your friends? Think she'll hold true to her promise?" Melony asked, her expression tensing.  
"No," Harleigh nearly laughed. "After damn near four years, I don't think I'm a threat anymore. He never stuck with one chick for long, I bet she's long since out of the picture."  
"Just make sure you keep in touch, okay? I know this means a lot to you, but you're like family now, and I'm going to worry about you and that beautiful little girl of yours," Melony said. She pulled Harleigh in for a hug. "C'mon, let's get her from the daycare and get you guys on the road."  
"We're going to miss you Mel, thanks for everything," Harleigh said with a sad smile. Melony had been the only person to support Harleigh through some of the hardest moments of her life.

The pair walked down the hallway to the daycare, where a little girl with curly, chestnut brown hair was coloring. She looked up with brilliantly blue eyes, her thin lips forming a huge smile when she saw them approach. Since it was long past closing time, Melony had made an exception and let the family's dog stay with Alanna while her mother packed up the last of her belongings. The middle-aged mutt was laying patiently by the wall, his tail thumping eagerly when he saw his master approach.

"Ready to see Chicago?" Melony asked the little girl. She bobbed her head merrily and rushed to her mother's side.  
"Can Mel come too?" she asked Harleigh, her eyes dancing with excitement.  
"Sorry kiddo, Mel's got a business to run," Harleigh said with a sly grin.  
"I'll come visit some time, I promise," Melony said with a smile. She scooped Alanna up for a hug before nodding to Harleigh. "Go, before I start crying again."  
"This isn't goodbye," Harleigh reminded her. "This is see you soon."  
"See you around Leigha, take care of my favorite tiny human!"

With the box in one arm, Alanna's hand in her free hand, and the dog, Chance, trailing behind them, they made their way out of the office building for the very last time. Harleigh had no plans of returning to Minnesota, but she knew she would always have a job there should she ever need it. With one final glance back at the huge building behind them, Harleigh loaded the toddler into the back seat of her van before ushering the dog in behind her. Once buckled, she made her way over to the driver's side door, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

She didn't know what was left for her in Chicago, but she knew she had unfinished business there that had to be sorted out. She had a life there, despite the time away. She knew this was the right decision, no matter how things played out.

She couldn't help but think back to the last time she was in the neighborhood that she grew up in. It was the day after Christmas. The day she laid her older brother to rest and left without a trace. She vowed to never come back to the city that caused her so much heartache and awful memories, but even then, she knew it was a promise she wouldn't keep. The Southside was her home; she belonged there. Three years working for uppity, rich people hadn't changed her one bit. If anything, it made her realize her place in the world even more.

With a glance in the rearview mirror, she started on the nine-hour journey home. She knew she'd be there by late the next morning, but the anticipation was killing her. The sooner she got there, the sooner she could return to her old life.

* * *

 **A/N: As promised, this is the sequel to Time After Time! While this will loosely follow some of events that did happen in the actual series, Harleigh's presence definite made certain things play out differently. As always, reviews, faves and follows keep me motivated! This one is going to be a lot longer, since it will flash between the past and present a lot, digging deeper into Lip and Harleigh's relationship, and span all the way through at least season 6/7.**


	2. Chapter 2

Harleigh glanced at her phone as she pulled the van in front of the house she never thought she'd have to see again. She was about to wake up Alanna when she remembered that the keys were at the Alibi, since she wasn't in Chicago when the check cleared, therefore unable to retrieve the keys during normal business hours. She sighed and pulled away from the curb, driving down the street. The Alibi wasn't more than a thirty-second drive.

She pulled up to the curb and quickly pulled Alanna from her car seat, hitching her on her hip, her hand looping around Chance's collar. She wasn't risking anything happening to that damn mutt, her daughter loved it too damn much.

She shoved open the door of the bar with her hip, carefully nudging the dog along.

"Holy shit! The red-head returns!" Frank cheered as soon as he saw her. "Guess I won the bet afterall!"  
"What bet?" Harleigh asked, cocking an eyebrow. She sat Alanna on a stool before flagging the strange looking woman behind the bar over.  
"On whether you were dead or not," Frank explained. "I said you'd be back, your kind always crawl on back."  
"Fuck off Frank," Harleigh sighed. "Set of keys get dropped off here yesterday?" she asked the bartender.  
"Yes, said to give to the pretty red-head," she nodded. She pulled out a set of house keys. "Yours?"  
"Yeah, thanks," she took the keys from the odd woman. She was about to grab Alanna and leave when Kev spotted her.

"Holy shit! Harleigh! You're back!" he exclaimed, rushing over to give her a huge hug. "Who's this?"  
"This is Al, my daughter," she said gently. Alanna buried her head into her mother's chest shyly. "And don't you know, once a hood girl, always a hood girl," she shrugged.  
"Lip know you're back?" Kev asked in a hushed tone.  
"Not yet, and I'm kind of trying to keep in that way," Harleigh said softly. "Rumor has it he's in college now?"  
"Sort of," Kev shrugged. "He's staying at the house right now though."  
"I want to swing by and see Fiona later, maybe I'll catch him then," she shrugged. She wasn't entire sure what she would say to him…to any of them for that matter. She went AWOL and she knew they wouldn't welcome her back with open arms. She just hoped that she could save whatever friendships were still waiting for her.

* * *

After settling in and getting the house somewhat set up, Harleigh decided to show face before anyone from the Alibi beat her to the Gallagher's. She considered taking the dog, but decided it was better to let him guard the house.

"Where're we going?" Alanna asked as she held Harleigh's hand so they could cross the street. The house was only three blocks from the Gallagher's, so she didn't bother taking the van. She wanted to see if anything changed now that it was daylight.  
"To see some of mommy's best friends," Harleigh said softly. "You'll like them."  
"Are they nice?" She asked, looking up at her mother with those piercing, beautiful blue eyes.  
"Very nice," she said, only partially lying.

They made it to the front yard in five minutes flat. Harleigh stared at the house, her heart in her throat. She didn't know what she was going to say. Just as she was about to work up the nerves to walk up the front steps, Lip walked outside, a cigarette teetering in his mouth.

"Holy shit," he said, staring at her like she had three heads. "Hars?"  
"Been a while, huh?" Harleigh asked weakly. He looked older, more tired and stressed. His face was paler than she remembered, his messy hair a tangle mess. Yet despite the differences, his eyes still made her heart skip a beat. The eyes he shared with their daughter. The blue eyes that seemed to read a person's soul.  
"You disappeared," he mused. He sat down on the step. Harleigh put one hand on Al's shoulder, slightly inching her out from behind her leg. "Who's that?"  
"Lip, this is Alanna, my daughter," Harleigh said cautiously. They took a couple steps forward.

Lip studied the little girl. She had curly, dark hair and bright, blue eyes. Thin lips and a fragile frame. He couldn't figure out why she looked so familiar. Like he was staring at someone he knew.

"Al, this is Lip, he's one of mommy's favorite people," she said lightly, kneeling down in front of the little girl. "Remember the photo album?"  
"The little boy with the 'urly hair!" she squealed. She was referring to one of the few group shots one of their parents had taken when all the kids were much, much younger.  
"Yup," Harleigh laughed. "You don't have to be scared, Lip won't bite, I promise."  
"Lip's a silly name," she squeaked, looking up at the man in front of her. "What's it short for?"  
"Phillip," Lip said with a crooked smile.  
"Momma calls me Al," she said sheepishly. "I like your hair."  
"I like yours," Lip laughed. He looked up at Harleigh, his eyes locking on hers. There were so many things he wanted to say to here, none of which were appropriate to say in front of a toddler.  
"Just wanted to stop by," Harleigh said softly. "I bought the house back…if you want to stop by later to talk?"  
"Yeah, yeah sure, sounds good," Lip deadpanned. He wanted to hate her, he wanted to blame her for everything that had gone wrong since she left, but he knew he couldn't. Seeing her standing there made his heart leap. He wanted to scream at her and kiss her and throw her up against a wall all at the same time. He wasn't used to feeling anything those days, but in that moment, he felt more than he could handle.  
"Tell Fiona to call me," she said softly. "I've really, really missed you guys."  
"Why didn't you call?" Lip asked before he had a chance to think. "Four fucking years Harleigh, not one phone call? Not one letter or text or anything? We thought you were dead."  
"I wrote every month," Harleigh whispered, tears welling in her eyes. His tone reminded her of why she was so hesitant to come back. "I called so many times…then your fucking girlfriend added to the never ending list of people wanting me dead. Threatened to have me killed if I tried to reach out again. So I didn't."  
"What? What girlfriend?" Lip asked, eyes softening. He had no idea what she was talking about.  
"Three and a half years ago! Sounded like crazy bitch Milkovich, but hell if I know!" Harleigh cried. Al shrank back, hiding behind her mother again. "I tried Lip. I tried so fucking hard to reach all of you." Tears rolled down her cheeks. She bent down and picked Al up, her arms wrapping protectively around her daughter. "I needed you, but I needed to be alive too."

Lip didn't know what to say. It made sense. He had dated Mandy Milkovich for over a year after Harleigh disappeared. The crazy bitch ran over Karen, even though they never had anything going on between them other than tutoring and an on and off friends with benefits thing. Lip knew Mandy was crazy, but he never thought she was crazy enough to intercept every single method Harleigh would try to reach them with.

"Come by later," Harleigh called over her shoulder. "We need to talk."

She stormed down the street, Al hitched on her hip, her thin frame swaying with every step. Lip couldn't help but admire how she looked. Even despite having a kid, she bounced right back, her body still sexy as ever. He shook his head. It was all too much for him to take in in that moment. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his flask, letting the warm liquid sooth his nerves. He wanted to chase after her, to find out what she wanted to talk about, but he didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know if he could handle whatever it was she had to say.

"Was that Harleigh?" Ian asked, coming around the corner.  
"Yeah," Lip nodded.  
"Holy shit," Ian replied, sitting beside his brother. "Didn't see that coming."

Lip nodded in response. Neither had he.


	3. Chapter 3

Harleigh didn't know what she expected when she returned to Chicago, but she definitely didn't expect the level of support she received. Fiona came by every day until Harleigh finally managed to get a job waiting tables at the diner she worked at since she was no longer on house arrest. Debbie had filled Harleigh in on everything that had gone on since she left, from Ian disappearing the same summer Lip started college but came back a few months later to Fiona accidently letting Liam get into her cocaine. Debbie didn't leave anything out – she was grateful to have someone else to talk to. Ian came by every now and then with Mickey, confirming that no, the Milkovich's were not going to kill her after all. The only person she didn't talk about was Lip. She avoided the topic for Harleigh's sake. She told Harleigh about Monica's attempted suicide and how it really messed them up. She told her about how much everyone missed her and how excited they were that she was back.

Lip was the only one who seemed to avoid her. While she slipped back into the simplicity of how life used to be, Lip seemed to steer clear of the fiery red-head who always seemed to find trouble.

Cody settled in well as soon as he moved back home, his eyes brighter, his smile wider as he took on the role of man of the house. He helped make sure bills were paid on time and life ran smoothly. Al's third birthday passed in a haze, as everyone was busy with their own lives, their own needs, their own goals and dreams and futures. She didn't mind though – Cody and Harleigh had pooled together what they could to give her a bedroom of her dreams, complete with pink curtains and a giant stuffed bear.

As September rolled around, Harleigh began to see a change in her daughter. She had just started head start, which freed Harleigh's time to work at the diner in the afternoons and the Aldi by the train station during the day. As the month wore on, Al started to sleep more, seemed to lose more weight than normal, and just seemed to be slower than her usual bouncy self.

"Al, you okay, sweetheart?" Harleigh asked as she shook the little girl awake late on Saturday. It was Harleigh's first Saturday off in months. "It's late, time to wake up."  
"I don't feel good momma," Al whimpered.  
"What's wrong, love?" Harleigh nudged her again, this time so she could sit down beside her.  
"I'm sleepy."

Harleigh's heart leapt in her throat when she brushed the little girl's hair from her face. She was burning up.

"Cody, start the van," she called loudly as she threw a few pieces of clothing in a bag. "C'mon Al, we gotta get you checked out."  
"I just wanna sleep," she moaned.  
"You know the drill, sweetpea, fever means doctors," Harleigh said gently.  
"Okay," Al sat up and for the first time, Harleigh realized how sickly her daughter looked. Al was always at risk for catching whatever bug was going around, but Harleigh hadn't noticed too great a change until then. Al was always in and out of the hospital in the winter, every cold wreaking havoc on her already weakened immune system. Having been born prematurely, Al was always struggling to stay healthy. She had five surgeries before her first birthday and Harleigh was afraid that this could have been more than just a bug.

"Is she okay?" Cody asked as he held the door open so Harleigh could carry Al outside. The cool breeze made her head swim.  
"I don't know," she said truthfully. Cody was old enough to handle the truth. He slid into the backseat, his niece cuddled into his lap as Harleigh sped to the closest emergency room, her heart in her throat the entire time.

Once there, the doctors took Al for testing immediately, a temperature of 104 caused a lot of concern amongst the triage nurses. They told Harleigh to wait in the waiting room until they were done. Harleigh stared blankly at her phone, her heart breaking as she considered who she could call. She had only recently got back the DNA results for Al, confirming what she already knew, the identity of the little girl's father. Somehow, it didn't seem like the time to let that person know.

"I didn't even get to tell him yet," Harleigh moaned. Cody looked up, his eyes locking on hers. He knew who Al's father was, it didn't take a rocket scientist to piece two and two together on that one. Al had stunning blue eyes and messy, curly hair. While his sister shared the blue eye gene, hers were smoky, not brilliantly bright, and no one in their family had curly hair. Al's face resembled that of her father and Cody was almost amused that none of them together on their own yet. Surely they could see the resemblance too.

Harleigh wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted everything to be okay and everything to stop moving so fast around her. She hands trembled as her mind raced, causing her to question every decision she ever made. She considered calling Mel, but she knew that even if Mel took the next flight out, she wouldn't be in Chicago until late into the evening. Instead she paced back and forth until Cody finally grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop.

"Take your meds," he said softly. He could see her mind racing and knew she was close to breaking down. Harleigh glanced at the clock on the wall before reaching for her bag, retrieving a little makeup bag that held the bottles of pills. "Go get a coffee, take your pills, and take five minutes to get your shit together. I'll call Patsy's and let them know you aren't coming in tomorrow, then I'll call around and try to find Ian or Lip or Fiona, whoever's free to come sit with us."  
"Yeah, yeah, okay," Harleigh nodded. Cody wasn't even thirteen yet, yet he was more mature than half of the adults she knew.  
"I mean it, Hars, take your meds," he said, his tone stern. They'd kept in touch over the years, despite his foster family trying to keep them from one another. He was the first to know when she was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and generalized anxiety disorder after Alanna was born. He was the one to help her get the help she needed to keep her life on track when addiction almost won. Even though they were apart for nearly four years, he never gave up on her because she never gave up on him.

He watched patiently as his sister dumped several pills into her hand before handing the bag back to him. He nodded as she threw back her head, the pills in her mouth as she took a long sip of water from the bottle he handed her.

"Now go, I promise, I'll find you if they update us," he said. He could see it in her eyes, she was moments away from losing her shit and she couldn't do that there. She had to keep her head right if she was going to be any use to her daughter.

Harleigh jogged outside, not caring to get coffee on the way. As soon as her feet hit the pavement, she pulled out a cigarette and took long drags, letting the smoke ease the worry that was taking over her mind.

She knew Al was strong. She was the strongest little girl Harleigh ever knew. But she also knew how a simply infection could kill her. The pediatricians warned her every single time the little girl got sick that she was lucky to be alive. Harleigh blamed herself for not seeing the signs sooner. For not noticing until it was too late, until she spiked a fever and was so sick she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Fuck," she cursed as she leaned against the brick wall, her hands shaking in front of her. "It's not fair."

Back inside, Cody was pacing back and forth as he explained what was going on to Lip, who was the first person he had thought to call. He didn't care what shit was going on between him and his sister – if anyone could keep Harleigh sane, it was Lip.

"I'll be there in ten," Lip said as he ran his hand over his face. He didn't know what to say to Harleigh, he hadn't seen her much since she came back, but he felt an unnerving pull to come save her, if only from herself. Cody's panicked tone told him it was bad. He didn't want to think how bad things could get.

Harleigh walked back into the waiting room just as the doctor called her name. She stood stoically, not a stranger to bad news at this point. Cody came to her side, his hand lacing into hers and the doctor droned on and on about what was wrong to Alanna. She had a severe infection that had spread to her organs, causing them to begin to shut down. They found fluid in her lungs, caused by a severe case of pneumonia. Cody blinked back tears as the doctor quietly prepared them for the worst. Harleigh nodded her head in response. Cody couldn't tell if she was taking in what he was saying or not, but he felt her hand squeeze his as the doctor went on and on. Finally, he offered Harleigh a chance to see her young daughter, his expression grim.

"I'll wait here," Cody said softly as he freed his hand from hers. "Tell her I love her."  
"I will," Harleigh whispered, her voice barely making any sound.

Cody watched as his sister followed the doctor through the double doors, unable to wrap his head around what was going on. He knew Al was prone to getting sick. He knew even a cold could be dangerous for her, but he never imagined that less than a month in school could make her this sick, so sick that she might not pull through.

He thought back to how Harleigh always protected him and took care of him, how she protected everyone she cared about. He thought back to all the times she'd held someone's hair when they were sick or made soup or tuck them in and make sure they were resting. She was the mother hen – the one who took care of everyone. He couldn't imagine the fear and heartbreak she was facing. He didn't understand why they kept getting dealt shitty hands. Why they couldn't just be happy for once. Why every time things start to get better, something has to go and fuck things up.

He sat down heavily in the chair, barely acknowledging Lip when he came running through the doors, Ian in tow. He only broke from his thoughts when Ian nudged him, a worried look on his face.

"How bad?" he asked softly.

Cody was about to answer when Harleigh walked back through the double doors, her eyes red with tears. She glanced at the guys before nodding her head, motioning for them to follow her in the direction of the exit.

"How bad, Hars?" Cody asked gently, rushing to her side while Lip grabbed her bag. "Harleigh, how bad?"  
"They said the pneumonia is what really got her immune system working in overdrive," Harleigh said, her tone level. She took a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it before passing it to Cody. Cody had started smoking a couple years ago, just like most of the other kids in their neighborhood. Being hundreds of miles away didn't change them that much. "They aren't sure yet, but they said it's looking like she's contracted pneumococcal meningitis."  
"What…what does that even mean?" Cody asked. His voice cracked as he watched his sister's eyes water.  
"They have to do a spinal tap, which means taking some of the fluid in her spinal cord for testing to confirm it's meningitis. If it is…" Harleigh's voice cracked and she struggled to hold back a sob. "If it's meningitis, she had a 1 in 5 chance of dying…and even if she doesn't…there's a likely chance she'll never be the same again…" Tears rolled down Harleigh's cheeks as she started to walk. "She could go deaf, she could be paralyzed, she could have brain damage…They said we didn't catch it as early as they would have liked…whatever that's supposed to mean." Her hands trembled as she pressed the cigarette to her lips, her eyes tracing the lot.

He noticed that Harleigh was moving towards the car when he decided to stop her.

"Stay here with Al, I can pick up whatever you need," he said softly. "Lip can drive me back to the house, I'll take Chance over to play with Debs, she likes him," he added quietly. "You can't run this time."  
"They're not letting me see her until they do the spinal tap, waiting's just gonna drive me crazy," she murmured.  
"They always tell you that," Cody said gently. "If you go home, you know what you're going to do. I'm not letting you slip back into who you were before."  
"Piss off," Harleigh grumbled.  
"Sure," Cody forced a smile. "Hars, you've got people here who care. This isn't like in Minnesota, this isn't all on you right now. I can take care of the house. You stay here."  
"Whatever," she scoffed. She tossed the keys to Cody before walking away, shaking her head as she did.

"Is she going to be okay?" Lip asked, his brows furrowed with concern.  
"No, not if that little girl doesn't wake up," Cody said softly. "Al is her world, especially after everything they've gone through together. If she loses Al, I don't know what she's going to do."  
"What about her dad? Should we call him and let him know what's going on?" Ian asked.  
"Talk to Harleigh about that one," Cody said softly. "I'm not getting involved with that."  
"Why not?" Lip asked, giving him a troubled look. "The guy dangerous or something?"  
"Or something," Cody said with a slight smile. "C'mon, let's drop the dog off and get her a change of clothes. She's gonna be here a while."  
"You've been down this road before, huh?" Ian asked.  
"Not in person, but yeah," he nodded. "Al's sick a lot. Scary sick a lot too. I don't think Harleigh's been telling me everything, but I know she's always worried about Al. Last time Al was this sick, she was in the PICU for three months. Harleigh never left her side. It scares me how distant she is right now."  
"She's just in shock," Ian nodded. "I'll stay with her."

Cody nodded his thanks before handing the keys to Lip, who took them hesitantly. He didn't know why, but something told him that there was more to the story than Cody was letting on. Why wouldn't he call Al's father? Was he a deadbeat who ran off while Harleigh was pregnant? Was he one of the many guys she fucked when she was gone before? After? He couldn't wrap his head around it.

* * *

 **A/N: Two Chapters in one night?! Unheard of! However, in order for this story to pan out the way I intend it to, I wanted to get this one up as soon as possible! I've written five different scenarios out, so it was a coin toss as to how I wanted everything to pan out this time around. Let me know what you think! I swear, this story is going to be a lot longer than the last one! (For a bit of reference, this takes place before Fiona's botched wedding, but after Lip getting involved with his professor, which didn't happen for all intents and purposes. We'll find out what led to Lip's drinking problem soon enough ;) )**


	4. Chapter 4

Harleigh sat on the floor, her head buried in her hands and she sobbed bitterly, the doctor confirming her worse fears only moments before. Cody held his oldest sister as tight as he could, trying to give her some form of support while she absorbed the doctor's words.

" _We have your daughter's test results back," the doctor said, his tone grim as he read the chart for what felt like the millionth time. "Your daughter has tested positive for pneumococcal meningitis. We are doing everything we can to try and treat the infection, however, further testing has confirmed that she has already suffered some brain damage as a result."  
"What does that mean?" Cody asked, noting that Harleigh was at a loss for words. "Will she wake up?"  
"At this stage, we cannot be sure of the outcome," he said grimly. "I would begin preparing for the worst."_

Harleigh lifted her head enough to stare blankly at the wall, her head spinning, her emotions racing. She felt like she did the first time Al was rushed for surgery at only three days old. The uncertainty, the confusion, the irrational guilt she always felt. The difference now compared to then, was that she didn't have death threats hanging over her head.

"Cody, give him the envelope," Harleigh said softly as she got to her feet. "As much as he hates me, I need to call Jake, see if he has a number for TJ. Gotta see if he has any cash stashed somewhere, we're already way too far in debt with Al's medical bills as it is."  
"Sure," Cody nodded, reaching for his sister's bag. "But don't call them. Call Sherry. The people I was staying with found her when they did some genealogy thing. Liz has a sister in New York who might be able to help."  
"Aunt Sher? She always did like Liz, hmm," Harleigh mused. She hadn't even heard the name in nearly a decade. Sher was a wild card, a showgirl who often disappeared for years at a time. Harleigh met her a handful of times when she lived with her mother all those years ago.

She looked at the group in front of her, her eyes tracing their faces, looking for any ounce of clarity, but she couldn't find it. They barely knew Al, but the little girl had had such a huge impact on their lives in the short time they did know her. Fiona held Debbie, who was crying, having spent the most time with the little girl since their return to Chicago. Ian leaned against Mickey, who Harleigh didn't even remember seeing come. Lip stared at the floor, his shoulders hunched. Cody stared at his sister, waiting for her to walk away before pulling the envelope from her bag.

"Before you get mad at her, remember, your girlfriend threatened her," Cody said softly. He handed the envelope to Lip, his eyes watching patiently as Lip stared at it for a moment before retrieving two pieces of paper. One stated who Alanna's father was, the other, was a note Harleigh had written at some point after Al was born.

Lip read the form first. It wasn't the first time he saw a paper like that. He skimmed until the reached the bottom of the paper, his heart skipping a beat as he read the bold text: **Probability of Paternity: 99.999997%**.

His eyes widened. How had Harleigh even gotten a DNA sample to use? He thought back to the few times they had seen each other and recalled that Harleigh had ran her hands through his hair, her fingers lacing tightly into his. She must have plucked a few strands in the process. He had to hand it to her, it was a brilliant plan, but it made him both angry and sad at the same time. Why not just tell him? Before everything went south? Why not ask him to take the damn test instead of having one done behind his back?

He tried to remain calm as he opened the letter that was written in her scribbled, yet familiar font. The letter was faded and worn with time, like she'd written it then read it a million times.

 _Lip,  
I've tried to send mail, but most of it gets returned unopened. I guess that's your way of saying piss off. But even if I never mail this, you need to know, because every father should have a chance to know their daughter. _

_I won't know for sure until I have a paternity test done, but she's beautiful, Lip, she has the same smile you do, her dimples, her eyes, they're all you. I look at her tiny, frail body, so fierce and determined to do great things. She's got you written all over her._

 _Alanna Elizabeth Reid was born May 30th, 2012 at 10:43 am. She was tiny, so tiny the doctor wasn't sure she was going to make it. She weighed under a pound. She was so fragile, I couldn't even hold her. Now she's so much bigger, so much stronger and she's amazing, Lip, she really is._

 _She's so smart, she's so curious and so full of life, every time something happens, every time we need to go for another surgery or she gets sick and has to stay at the hospital, I want to pick up the phone and beg you to come find us. I want to beg you to be the man I know you're capable of being. The kind of father every little girl deserves. But it's been years now, without a single letter returned, a single phone call, anything. I've tried. I've tried so hard to reach out. I've tried everyone I could think of, but no one has gotten through to any of you. So I'm giving up. I'll come home one day, with this beautiful little girl on my hip and the moment you lay eyes on her, you're going to know._

 _Maybe then things can go back to us finding each other again. Time after time, right? We always find our ways home._

 _I'll always love you, Phillip Ronan Gallagher. I'm too damn stubborn to walk away._

 _Harleigh_

"You knew," he said, looking up at Cody, tears in his eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol flowing through his veins or maybe it was the realization that he could have done so much better with his life and now he might be too late. Either way, he felt a lump forming in his throat. "You knew."  
"Knew what?" Fiona asked, coming to Lip's side.  
"That Al's not only a Reid, but a Gallagher too," Cody said softly, nodding his head. "I knew as soon as she started sending me pictures. She looks just like you."  
"Why…why didn't she say anything?" Fiona asked, her face masking with shock.  
"She tried," Lip said softly. "She tried and fucking Mandy messed that up."  
"Not just Mandy," Cody said quickly, catching the wary look on Mickey's face. "TJ and Jake had it out for Hars too. Skip's letter didn't help anything either."  
"Skip left a letter?" Ian asked, stunned. When Harleigh broke the news that Skip killed himself, they all just assumed he finally gave up. Unlike her brothers, none of them thought it was her fault.  
"He said if she had just come home, he wouldn't have done it," Cody sighed. "In all fairness, we did make it home for Christmas," he added with a sly smile. "Al wouldn't be here if we didn't."  
"I just…I can't do this," Lip murmured. He rose to his feet, his head swimming. He walked down the hall, ignoring the calls from his siblings.  
"Harleigh'll find him," Cody said softly. "They need each other. Now more than ever."  
"He's too young to deal with this," Fiona muttered. "He didn't need this."  
"He needed to know," Cody said softly. Debbie nodded in agreement.  
"If Al dies, it would kill him to not have known while she was alive," she said softly.  
"So we're aunts and uncles, huh?" Ian asked softly, sparing a smile in Cody's direction. "Crazy."  
"Yeah," Cody forced a smile. "Let's just hope that whatever's out there is listening and that little girl wakes up."  
"So did Harleigh know before she had the test done? Like was she sure? Cause I mean she was kinda a slut back then," Mickey said sourly. They'd slept together a handful of times, he couldn't help but wonder if she ever thought the baby was his.  
"She said the moment she laid eyes on her she knew," Cody shrugged. "But when Al was first born she was red and her eyes didn't even open, so I don't know, maybe mother's intuition?"  
"That's a thing?" Fiona asked out loud, a laugh breaking from her lips.  
"Hey, just because we got dealt shitty moms doesn't mean they all are," Ian snickered.

It felt good to laugh, it felt natural. In face of such a dark, awful situation, it felt good to laugh a little. Al would have wanted them to laugh. Even when she was super sick, she always tried to make people smile.

Outside, Harleigh spotted Lip as he walked through the doors, a cigarette carelessly dangling from his thin lips. She watched silently as he pulled a flask from his coat pocket, his face pale as he took a long swing of the liquid inside. She started towards him, longing for his strength but also for something, anything to tell her it was okay, that he didn't hate her, that he could forgive her for not telling him sooner. She truly had tried, but she knew she couldn't live with herself if he found out after something went wrong.

"I'm sorry," they both said in unison as soon as they were close enough. Harleigh forced a smile as he pulled him in for a hug, her thin arms wrapping protectively around him. She held him tight as a broken sob ripped from his chest. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she held him there, letting her strength feed his as it had so many times before.

"If I knew…" he started, but his words didn't want to come out.  
"I know," she said softly. "I know."

They stayed like that for a long time, silently feeding off one another's strength. It wasn't until Ian and Cody approached them that they broke from their silence.

"The doctor's asking for you," Ian said softly. Lip wheeled around, his eyes bloodshot and puffy. "I've got him." He mouthed as he pulled his brother close to his side. "Go."

Harleigh nodded and rushed inside, her mind racing a mile a minute. She didn't know what to expect, but she knew in her heart that her daughter had to be okay. She had to. Al had saved her life in more ways than one and she couldn't live with the thought of losing her.

* * *

 **A/N: I wasn't sure how I wanted to play this chapter out, but instead of Lip getting mad in that moment, in a few chapters, we will see how much it really effected Lip overall. Overall, I love this chapter and I hope you all do too!**


	5. Chapter 5

They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, when you already suffer from mental illness, those stages become jumbled messes of emotions that don't always take hold the way they should.

Harleigh stared at the monitor, hoping, praying that there would be a change. That there would be even the smallest spike, the smallest thing to tell her that there was still hope. She hadn't moved in three days, not even to use the bathroom. She sat at her daughter's side, her hand clutched in her own, her eyes locked on the monitor that tracked brain activity. Even when the neurologist confirmed that her daughter was brain dead and there was nothing left to do, she refused to accept it. She refused to give up.

At first, they were only allowing immediate family, which made it difficult for the Gallaghers to get a chance to see Alanna since Lip was not listed on her birth certificate. However, after a long argument with the nurses and the paternity paper being shoved from one hand to another, they soon piled in, gathering silently at Harleigh's side as she sat patiently waiting for her daughter to wake up.

Day after day, Harleigh waited. Fiona brought her food that she never ate. Debbie tried to get her to talk, but Harleigh didn't hear anything she said. Cody was determined that she stayed on her meds, rotating with Ian to ensure that she took them on time three times a day. Lip came and went, always returning stinking like the bottom of a dirty bar, but always there, always holding Harleigh's free hand in his as they waited silently for any change.

Three days soon turned to four, then five, then a week, then two. Finally, after three weeks of silently watching, silently waiting, Alanna's heart stopped for the last time. The nurses had to hold Harleigh back as she screamed and begged for them to save her little girl. She fought and fought until strong arms pulled her away, locking her in an iron grip that she couldn't free herself from. Ian on one side, Lip on another, she was pulled from the room, her eyes never leaving her daughter's face.

 **Denial**

Despite Fiona, Sean, and Lip all trying to convince her otherwise, Harleigh returned to work a day after Alanna died, under the conditions that she cooked food and didn't have to work the floor. The money sucked but it felt normal, like nothing had changed. For a week, she managed to keep herself in a steady routine of working then going back to the Gallagher's' house, sleeping on their couch, then working again. She was silent at the funeral, unable to say anything, as she watched silently as they lowered the small casket into the ground.

The week following the funeral, Harleigh barely said anything to anyone. Even at work, she remained silently, as if working on autopilot. It wasn't until Sean stopped her one day that she finally say something.

"Go home, you've been dropping shit all day, take as much time as you need," he said softly as he helped her clean up the plate of food she dropped. She looked at him with vacant eyes, her heart in her throat. Every time she tried to talk, she had to choke back tears. "Fiona called your friend from Minnesota, she's waiting for you."  
"Fiona called Mel?" Harleigh managed to squeak out.  
"Pretty brunette with fierce eyes?" Sean asked softly, a smile tugging at his lips. Harleigh nodded and removed her apron. She punched out without hesitation and walked briskly towards her old friend.

"Jesus, Leigha, why own a phone if you're never going to answer it?" Mel scolded, pulling the smaller woman in for a tight hug. "I am-,"  
"Don't say it," Harleigh begged. "If you say it, I'm going to start crying and I'm not going to be able to stop."  
"C'mon, you look like hell. Let's get you dolled up and go out and do something fun," Mel said softly. "You deserve fun."  
"Not in the mood for fun," Harleigh argued softly. She slid into a booth, letting her hands fall to her lap as she stared ahead.  
"Leigha, I know this is incredibly hard, harder than anything you've faced before, but honey, that little girl would want you living your life, not going day by day like a walking corpse. Have you been taking your meds?" Mel asked, her tone gently, though her motherly side showing. Though Mel didn't have any kids of her own, she always looked at Harleigh as a baby sister, Alanna as a niece she never had. It broke her heart to learn the beautiful, full of life little girl was gone.  
"Yeah," Harleigh nodded. "Ian and Cody don't let me miss a dose," she added.  
"Good, good," Mel nodded. "What about therapy? I found some great grief cou-," Harleigh cut her off.  
"I don't need therapy, Melony. If that's why you're here, you're wasting your time."  
"Leigha," Mel tried to reason.  
"Damn it, Melony," Harleigh's voice rose, causing her to get a few worried glances from both her coworkers and the patrons of the diner. "I'm fan-fucking-tastic, okay? I'm still kicking. I'm getting up every day and going to work like a functional, rational adult. I'm not losing it, okay?"  
"Have you admitted it out loud?" Mel asked softly. "Have you said it?"  
"Said what?"  
"That Alanna is dead. Alanna isn't coming back, Harleigh, she's gone," Mel said gently.

The words cut at Harleigh like a knife. Her insides twisted, her blood ran cold. The diner spun around her. She braced herself against the booth, digging her nails into the palms of her hands to keep from punching one of her closest friends, the godmother of her child, in the mouth.

"Take it back," Harleigh hissed through clenched teeth. Mel glanced around and noted that Fiona was hovering nearby, listening in on the conversation. Sean stood a small ways off, his eyes locked on the pair, ready to intervene if need be. "Damn it, Melony, take it back!"  
"She's gone, Harleigh, Alanna is gone," she said softly, her eyes level with her friend. She watched as her face went pale, all color draining from her normally rosy cheeks. As luck would have it, Sean saw Harleigh's body tense in time to pull her back before she could punch the taller woman in the face.

"Calm down," he hissed in her ear as he drug her outside. "Calm down."

Fiona was at her side a second later, wrapping her arms protectively around the woman that had long since been like a sister to her. Harleigh crumbled in her arms, tears rolling down her cheeks as she sobbed bitterly into Fiona's shoulder.

"I'll give you a ride home," Sean murmured as he went back inside to retrieve his keys. Fiona glared at Mel as she passed them, her face drawn.  
"Someone had to say it," she said softly, not even able to look at her best friend. "I love you, Leigha, I'm here for a week, call me when you're ready to talk."

Harleigh said nothing, her entire body feeling weak as she clung to Fiona, unable to control the sobs that ripped from her throat.

 **Guilt**

Harleigh locked herself in her bedroom the night that Mel came to town. She refused to open the door for anything, no matter how hard they tried to reason with her. Melony left after a week, promising the Gallagher's that she would be in touch and that she was only a short plane ride away if they needed her. Fiona felt guilty for calling her in the first place. Had she known how the meeting would have panned out, she never would have picked up the phone.

After a week and a half, Cody and Fiona agreed enough was enough. Cody had been staying with the Gallagher's, since being in the house with Harleigh was too hard for him. He considered calling adult services on his sister, but he knew that that was as bad as calling CPS. Instead, he helped Lip and Fiona concoct a plan to get her out of her room.

"She's a mom," Cody told Fiona late one night. "If she thinks Lip needs her, she'll come out."  
"Lip's a mess. He's barely been around since the funeral," Fiona reminded him. "I don't know if we can even track him down in time."  
"She's going to die in that room if we don't get her out soon," Cody sighed. "I don't even know if she's been taking her meds."  
"She knows how important they are," Fiona reasoned. "Besides, the only person she's said two words to is Ian, and she promised him she'd stay on her pills."  
"But how much do we trust that?" Cody asked. He began to pace, a trait he picked up from Harleigh a long time ago. "If I can find Lip…"  
"I don't think she wants to see him," Fiona murmured. "Lip tried calling her, she didn't answer."  
"Her phone's not with her," Cody said with a forced smile. "She shattered it when she got home."  
"Shit."

Harleigh stared at the last days' worth of pills in front of her, realizing that if she didn't leave her room, she wouldn't be able to retrieve the refill that she knew Cody had picked up for her. She sighed heavily and pushed herself off the bed, overly aware of how weak her body felt.

As she opened the door for the first time in almost ten days, her eyes locked on the door to her daughter's room. She walked over to it, unsure of whether she could handle seeing the room without her baby girl inside. She shoved open the door, startled when a warm nose pressed against her bare ankle. She glanced down to see Chance staring at her with hopeful eyes.

"She's gone, Chance, I'm so, so sorry," she whispered. "It's all my fault."

The dog ran into the room and leapt on the bed, his tail tucked as he burrowed into her blankets. The room was exactly how she remembered it. The blankets still tossed to one side of the twin bed. Harleigh sat down heavily, tears streaming down her cheeks as she pulled Al's pillow into her lap, burying her face into the pillowcase, her daughter's scent filling her nose.

She vaguely heard the front door open but made no move to get up. She heard footsteps come up the stairs, hesitating once they reached the landing. Whoever was there must have seen her bedroom door ajar.

"Hars, you home?" Cody called.

Chance barked in response. A moment later, Cody and Fiona were standing in the doorway of Al's room, both of them staring at Harleigh with worried looks.

"It's all my fault," Harleigh moaned. Cody rushed to her side, wrapping his arms around her protectively, tears of his own falling from his eyes.  
"Shh, no it's not," he whispered. "You were…you are the best mom ever, don't for a second think otherwise."  
"He's right," Fiona said, coming to sit beside the pair. "You've always been the mom of the pack," she added, rubbing circles in Harleigh's back. "It's not your fault."

Harleigh forced herself to stand, pulling away from two of the most important people in her life. She looked at both of them, really seeing them for the first time in weeks.

"Where's Lip?"


	6. Chapter 6

For Lip, time seemed to pass in an inconsistent blur. With everything that had gone on since he learned he was Al's father, he found himself quickly spiraling out of control. He laid his head against the toilet, thinking back to everything that had changed in the last few months, especially the events that unfolded while he was drinking himself into a stupor only a true alcoholic would understand.

He counted in his head how many things had gone wrong, how many nights were spent contemplating ending it all. He wasn't suicidal, suicide was for cowards and he wasn't a coward, but he just wanted it all to end. After Harleigh left, just moments after her brother's funeral, he found himself losing what little control he had over his life.

Liam almost died because Fiona was so wrapped up in her own drama that she didn't have her drugs out of his reach. Lip hated her for that. Despite the time that had passed, he still found himself wary of his older sister. That was before, before Harleigh came back.

Then she came back, she came back with that beautiful, amazing little girl in tow and turned his life upside down all over again. He couldn't shake the feeling that it was life's way of getting back at him for something he didn't know he did. Harleigh stopped coming around after he attacked her. It wasn't her fault – she didn't mean to get him angry, but she did. She came to check on him and he lost his shit and hurt her. He hadn't seen her since and that broke his heart even more. He needed her but he didn't know how to tell her that.

The drunken haze blurred his vision as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet, the cool porcelain reminding him to stay awake. He'd had far too much to drink, he knew that, but he didn't care. Drinking took away the pain.

He thought about what went wrong since the funeral. Frank went and hunted down a sister none of them knew existed, in hopes of scoring part of her liver. Sammi. That girl was more of a mess than all six Gallagher kids rolled into one. She brought forth a great storm of trouble that none of them needed. That none of them expected either. Sammi led to Ian getting arrested for going AWOL when he used Lip's identity to enlist in the army. Then Ian got diagnosed with Bipolar, the same type Monica had. They all knew there was a chance one of them would get her unlucky genes, but Lip had to admit, he never wanted it to be Ian. Ian was such a kind, giving person, it killed him to see his younger brother struggle. Then there was the whole mess with Carl getting sent away to Juvie and Mickey and Sammi getting into it, leading to both ending up in jail. Debbie announced she was pregnant and Fiona tried to get the entire family to convince her to get an abortion. That didn't work out as planned and any day now Debbie was going to pop. Lip shook his head. He couldn't handle his own drama, much less anyone elses.

Lip blinked, trying to piece together just how much time had passed since the funeral, just how many months have slipped by in a blur of endless nights spent drinking himself sick. He stared vacantly ahead as he realized it had been nearly a year and a half since Alanna died. How could it have been so long already? Where did the time go? Lip threw up again, his head reeling. Had he really spent the nearly two years drinking himself sick? He couldn't wrap his head around it.

They say grief effects everyone differently. Actually, they say a lot of things effect people differently. How one's upbringing can change their entire path in life. How one event can change a person's life completely. Lip never believed any of that bullshit until Harleigh had Cody give him that letter and he pulled the one woman who could keep him in line away from her dead daughter. He still, even after all that time, never got over that day. He still heard her shouts whenever he closed his eyes. He still remembered the haunted look in her eyes at the funeral. He still remembered how broken she looked when he hit her after she told him he was going to turn out like Frank. He was an asshole to her when she needed him most and he hated himself for that.

Tears welled in his eyes as he leaned back, letting the cool tile of the bathroom floor ease the tension from his back. He tried to pinpoint just when his life went to shit but he couldn't. His childhood sucked, his parents sucked, everything sucked. Harleigh was always his beacon on strength, besides Fiona and he watched as their lives fell apart around them too.

All these thoughts and more filled his head as he let his eyes close, welcoming the silence that the drunken sleep brought forth. He knew he was going to have to face the real world eventually, but right then, he didn't have the motivation to move, much less face the demons that were threatening to take over again.

* * *

"Hey, you're back!" Cody called excitedly as he watched his sister walk through the back door of the Gallagher's house. "Ninety days clean!"  
"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. She felt like death. After struggling for almost year to get her shit together, Sean, her boss and Fiona's fiancé, gave her an ultimatum. Get clean or lose the job. Fiona made the situation even more dire by threatening to call CPS if Harleigh didn't get clean for Cody's sake. Even though Cody was nearly 15 and more than capable of taking care of himself, he still couldn't legally work and he still relied of Harleigh to keep a roof over his head. Harleigh had complied, much to all of their surprise.

"How do you feel?" Cody asked, handing her a glass of water. "You look like hell."  
"First thing I wanted to do when I got out was find my dealer," she admitted. "Sean's making me go to a meeting before he puts me back on the schedule though, so we'll see," she added with a shrug. "I'll deal with not shooting up, but fuck you if you think I'm giving up booze too."  
"You were never that bad with drinking," Cody said with a sly smile. "Drunk you is funny anyway."  
"Glad my fucked up life entertains you," she shot back with a sisterly smile. "The house burn down while I was gone?"  
"Nope," Cody chuckled. "Fiona made me stay here though. Chance too. Said it was better than me being there alone, especially since that house still needs work."  
"Yeah, yeah, I have to get on that, huh?" She scoffed. "Any word from Lip lately?"  
"None," he sighed. "He's in a bad place still. Fiona said the last time she saw him, she was concerned he was turning into Frank."  
"Don't tell him that, he'll hit you," Harleigh said with a grim expression. "Debbie have the baby yet?"  
"Not yet. They're…uh…well Chucky's grandmother took her to some special camp place thing to have it."  
"Well fuck," Harleigh scoffed. "I forgot Chucky even existed."  
"Don't feel bad, everyone did," Cody shrugged. "Listen, I have to head out, are you going to be okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah," she nodded. "Go."  
"It's good to have you back, Hars, thanks for doing this for me," he said sincerely, coming over to give her a hug. She couldn't believe how tall he was now. He was taller than her, his voice nearly as deep as Carl's. She couldn't believe her baby brother wasn't a baby anymore.  
"It's my job," she said softly, kissing his shoulder. "Be safe."  
"Always," he said with a playful shove. "Go on, you sappy mess. The dog missed you."

Harleigh laughed at that and wandered into the living room, her eyes taking in the familiar sights. It felt good to be back where she knew her place, rather than strung out bouncing from one club to the next. She had her meds adjusted and for the first time since Alanna's death, she felt human again. She knew she had to be careful, that old faces, places and old habits could lead to her relapsing yet again, but she also knew that she could stay clean if she tried hard enough. She'd cleaned herself up cold turkey the last time, this time, she just needed a little extra help.

She walked upstairs and smiled at the familiar mess in the hallway. She went to work cleaning up, picking up dirty laundry that needed to be washed, pushing trash into a trash bag, dusting off layers of dust that laid on some of the tables. Her eyes lingered on the door that led to the room that once belonged to Lip. The same room she overdosed in nearly four months ago. The room that held memories that she wished it hadn't. Shaking such thoughts from her mind, she returned to the task at hand, the old mutt, Chance, tagging behind her.

"We need to find Lip, don't we?" she asked the dog. He whined in response. She wasn't sure what she was going to find, but she knew she had to find him. Their friendship was far too important to her to not try and get it back. She was better now. She could help him get better too. She knew she could. No matter what, Lip was still her day one and she intended to save him just like he'd always saved her.

* * *

 **A/N: I had to go back and change a few details in an earlier chapter, because I didn't realize I messed up my timeline until now, haha. Anyway, this chapter was one of my favorites to write. Let me know what you all thought too!**


	7. Chapter 7

When Harleigh got in the van that afternoon, she wholeheartedly intended to hit a meeting then make the drive to Chicago Polytechnic Institute to see if she could convince Lip to come home with her so they could talk. She even made sure to check in with both Cody and Fiona, just to cover her ass, something she learned in rehab. Apparently being held accountable kept a person clean. Instead, she skipped the meeting and drove to the cemetery for the first time since Al's funeral.

Harleigh assumed someone had been visiting Al since there were fresh daisies on the little plot that marked her resting place. Daisies were her favorite flower. She kissed her hand before turning her back to the plot, making her way a few rows down to where her brother and father were buried. She located her brother's plot first, amused that they used his full name on his headstone. His brother hated his full name. Skipper James-Michael Reid. James and Michael were two of Monty's brothers who had died before any of the Reid kids were born. For whatever reason, Monty felt his youngest legitimate son should bear their names. All of the kids carried relatives' names up until Tess. Tess and Cody were born out of wedlock and were not named after their parents relatives. TJ, short for Tobias Jaxson, was named after Liz's grandfather and brother, Jake's full name was Jacob Richard, after one of Monty's grandfathers, Richard, and Harleigh Mae was named after her mother's mother, Mabel. It was bittersweet, since neither of her parents relatives ever gave a flying fuck about any of them. Other than aunt Shelly, who sometimes cared, when it was convenient for her. Skip's grave looked untouched, as if no one had come since the day he was laid in the ground. Harleigh pulled weeds out from around the headstone, her heart shattering for the millionth time. None of her brothers were saints, but Skip…Skipper cared. He always had faith in her, when no one else did. Even after all those years, she had never truly moved past his death.

Next she glared at her father's grave. Montgomery Hershel Reid. Even if death, she hated him more than words could express. He had forced them to cremate their mother, so she never got a final resting place. To that day, she had no idea what happened to her ashes. Instead, he got to get buried and despite no one ever coming to clean the grave, it made Harleigh's heart hurt. At least her mother tried to be there. Monty was just horrible, monster of a man who used his kids any chance he got.

"It should have been me," she murmured as she pressed a hand to Skipper's headstone. "It should have been me. You would have loved Al, she was spunky and smart and so goddamn beautiful. Take care of my little girl, you hear me? Take care of my beautiful, amazing little girl."

She walked back over to Al's grave, her hands trembling as she knelt down beside the plot, her heart in her throat. The itch that never really went away begged for relief. She knew she needed a meeting, but she didn't have it in her to listen to other people's problems. She let the tears fall from her eyes as she traced over her daughter's name, the engraved letters cold to the touch.

 _Alanna Elizabeth Reid  
May 30_ _th_ _, 2012 – October 13_ _th_ _, 2015  
Beloved Daughter, Niece and Friend  
"Though she be but little, she is fierce"_

Harleigh bit back a bitter sob as she pressed her eyes shut, memories of her daughter's laughter filling her mind. She remembered the bouncing, smiling child that fought so hard to keep up. The amazingly bright little girl who learned to read at just two and a half years old. The little girl who always seemed to bring joy to anyone she crossed.

With shaking hands, Harleigh forced herself to stand, her chest tight, her mind panicked. She needed to get out. She needed an escape.

She did the only thing she could think to do. She sent an urgent text to Fiona, begging her to come meet her. She didn't know who else to call. She walked back to the van and sat down in the driver's seat, the keys in her hand, her mind racing a mile a minute.

Several long, painful minutes later, Harleigh saw a familiar car approach. It wasn't Fiona. It was Lip. He was driving a car she'd never seen before. She stared at him blankly, her eyes tracing his features as they had so many times in the past. She hadn't seen him in so long, she almost forgot what his face looked like. Her eyes locked on his and for a moment, so found herself lost in their blue hue, a hue he shared with their daughter. A hue that could stop her heart if she looked for too long.

She bit back tears as she rose from where she sat, the keys to her van still dangling in her hand.

"I can't…I…" she couldn't get any words out. Lip said nothing, just stepped out of the car, his arms instantly locking around her thin frame. Harleigh barely noticed the man in the passenger seat. He looked far too old to be a friend of Lip's, so she assumed he must have been the professor Lip was supposedly working for.

"I know," he murmured softly in her ear. "It's okay."  
"Nothing is okay," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. She buried herself into his chest, his scent filling her nose. He smelled of cheap booze and stale cigarettes. For whatever reason, it brought her comfort. His embrace made her feel whole, if only for a moment.  
"C'mon, let's get you home," he murmured softly, his fingers gently taking the keys from her hand. "Fiona can have Kev get the van later."  
"Yeah, sure," Harleigh nodded. She felt like the weight of the world was sitting on her chest. She needed a fix. The itch was becoming unbearable. Ninety days clean meant nothing when your life seemed to be falling apart all over again.

"Need a drink?" the man in the passenger seat offered as she slid into the backseat. Lip gave him a look, but said nothing as Harleigh took the bottle from his hands, taking a long drink. She scrunched her nose in the same adorable way she always did when she took a sip of bitter liquor. He smiled in spite of himself, watching her eyes partially close as she took another drink before passing the bottle back to Youens.  
"Thanks."  
"My pleasure," he said with a stupid smile. Harleigh forced a smile of her own before leaning back, letting the warmth of the liquor wash over her. It didn't ease her craving completely, but it made the itch a little less demanding.

The drive back to the Gallagher house was quiet. Lip wasn't sure what was going through Harleigh's mind and she didn't have the strength to say anything. Once they pulled up in front of the house, Lip thanked Youens for the ride and promised to have something done for him tomorrow, whatever that something was. Harleigh wasn't really paying much attention to the pair as she let herself in through the front door.

Cody rushed to her side the second she entered the house. He looked at her with a frantic, concerned expression.

"Explain to me why Fiona called me saying you needed help when you were supposed to be at a damn meeting!" he demanded, his fists balled as he glared at her. "Where were you?"  
"I went to see Al," she said softly. As soon as the words left her mouth, Cody's expression softened.  
"You…you're still ninety-days clean?" he asked hesitantly. He was glaring at her bare arms.  
"If you aren't counting whatever cheap ass booze Lip's professor drinks, yes," she scoffed. "I'm not stupid, Cody," she added with a slight smile.  
"Good, yeah…good," he murmured. He wanted to be pissed. Harleigh wasn't even supposed to be drinking, but he knew his sister could handle her need for alcohol. She wasn't a drunk like their father. She just needed something to take the edge off every now and then. Better than drugs, he always told himself. "Where's the van?"  
"Still parked at the cemetery," Lip said as he came inside. "She was in no shape to drive."  
"Meds?" Cody asked, directing his question at Harleigh.  
"Cody, I'm 24, I think I can take my meds myself now," she scolded him. "Besides, they don't work."

Cody muttered something but knew better than to fight his sister when she was like this. She always took her meds, no matter how much she didn't want to. He should know by now not to try and baby her. She was broken, but she wasn't a child. He had to realize that.

"Next time call me first," Cody finally said, his eyes locking on hers. "I know you think I'm just a kid, but damnit, Harleigh, after everything, I worry about you, okay?"  
"Thanks, kid," she nodded, ruffling his hair, despite having to stand on her tiptoes to do so.  
"You two should talk," he added as he locked eyes with Lip. "You have a lot of catching up to do."

Lip said nothing, just ran his hand over his face. The kid wasn't wrong. Harleigh and him had a lot to talk about. They hadn't talked in so long, Lip barely knew what was going on in her life anymore. She felt the same way when it came to him. Lip knew they needed to patch things up, but he wasn't sure if they could. They had a long history between them and he wasn't sure if he had it in him to get his shit together enough to have a meaningful conversation with her.

Harleigh, on the other hand, was glad Lip was there. She hated to admit it, but despite everything, she loved him. She knew it deep in her heart that she would be able to forgive him for everything and anything he ever did to her. He was her person, her day one, the one person she knew she could count on when the tide rolled in. But she also knew from her time in rehab that Lip was toxic to her sobriety. She remembered being told to avoid people from her past for the first year, but she also knew she couldn't avoid Lip. Lip was more than just her past. He was part of her life, even when he wasn't there. They had a habit of finding each other right when the other needed them most. It was just how their lives seemed to collide with one another's every single time.

With a heavy heart, Harleigh motioned for Lip to follow her onto the back porch, stopping only for a moment to grab a couple beers from the fridge. She pushed open the back door and waited for him to follow. He followed hesitantly, not entire sure if he was ready for what was to come next.

* * *

 **A/N: Yay! Another update! The next few updates are going to have a lot of flash backs, so I wanted to give the heads up now, that all italicized text in the coming chapters will be flashbacks. Normally I break them up in chapters, but seeing how Lip and Harleigh are going to be catching up, the flow might get a little confusing. Anyway, feedback is always appreciated!**


	8. Chapter 8

"How have you been?" Lip asked hesitantly as he joined Harleigh on the steps, one hand holding the beer, the other holding a cigarette. The clouds were beginning to roll in, indicating that it was going to rain later. He didn't look at her, he couldn't bring himself to trace her thin features, features that used to be bright with determination and resilience, features that now wore a wary, exhausted look.

"How have I been?" she mocked, her tone bitter. She was angry, she couldn't deny that. Lip all but vanished for the last two years, avoiding her like the black plague, only to reappear when she was in a vulnerable, easy to trip up point in her life. "I've been shitty, Lip," she finally said, her eyes locking on his face. "Just got out of rehab this morning."  
"You were in rehab?" Lip asked. His eyes darkening as he locked eyes with her. "For what?"  
"Heroin," she said, removing a couple chips from her pocket. "Ninety-days clean," she added with a roll of her eyes.  
"Holy shit," he mused. He knew she struggled with addiction for years, but she got clean for Al when she was born. He never thought she'd turn to drugs again, especially not heroin. "You can still drink?" he asked, motioning to the beer in her hand.  
"Not supposed to, but alcohol was never my vice," she shrugged. "Besides, what's the point? I relapse again, it is what it is."  
"Not a good way to think," he muttered, but he was in no place to judge. He knew he had a problem with alcohol, he just didn't want to do anything about it. "What made you choose rehab?"  
"Fiona didn't give me a choice, neither did Sean," she shrugged. "Besides, after…" she hesitated. She looked at her hands, trying to decide if Lip was worth her confessing anything, much less everything to. "After I almost died, I guess I didn't want anyone to find me like that ever again," she murmured. Lip stared at her with a pained expression. 'She almost died?' he thought to himself as he watched her wring her hands.

 _It was a year to the day since Al died and Harleigh was a wreck. The realization that her daughter was gone forever finally hit her like a ton of bricks, out of nowhere, with no warning. She'd been off her meds for weeks now, having traded her regular meds for alcohol, coke and heroin. Spiraling out of control for the first time in years, Harleigh found herself seeking out dirty bathrooms and abandoned buildings during the day for weeks, scoring her usual cocktail from her old dealer with little to no effort at all._

 _That day, the bitter anniversary of her daughter's passing, she was having an exceptionally hard day, the manic depression, topped with just the general depression that comes with losing a child, weighing her down like a ton of bricks. She was barely able to roll out of bed, much less crawl her way to the bathroom, the ever concerned mutt following her every move._

 _After spending the majority of the day ignoring her boss's many phone calls, she nudged the dog out of the way and closed the bathroom door, welcoming the silence and comfort the tiny room had to offer. She reached behind the cabinet under the sink, her hands easily fishing out the stash she kept there for such occasions. With a few moments of concentration, she prepped the drug and tied off her arm, her bruised vein popping with some effort. She vaguely noted that she'd have to switch to a new vein soon, the one she usually used harder than ever to locate._

 _As soon as the toxic mix hit her bloodstream, she felt everything and nothing at all. For her, after that moment, everything went black._

 _For her brother and friends, it was a different story. Two hours later, Cody walked into the door to find Chance clawing at the bathroom door, barking loudly, his fur standing on end._

" _Harleigh? Harleigh, you in there?" he called. Sean and Fiona were following close behind him, having picked him up from school early after being unable to reach Harleigh all day. "Harleigh!"_

" _Move," Sean instructed as he slammed his weight into the bathroom door. At first, it didn't budge, but after a few more tries, he was able to snap the door open, his arm instantly holding Cody back. "Call 911."_

" _Harleigh!" Cody screamed, ignoring Sean's warning. He ducked under his arm and threw himself down at her side, his fingers frantically searching for a pulse. He couldn't find one, but her skin was still warm. "Help her!" He begged, tears streaming down his face. "Please, help her!"_

 _Sean jumped into action quickly, doing everything he could think to do to get Harleigh's heart to start beating again. In the ten minutes between Fiona calling 911 and paramedics arriving, Sean had managed to get her heart to beat again, if only weakly, his entire body soaked with sweat. Cody got into the ambulance with his sister as soon as they loaded her in, his face pale, his eyes full of worry._

 _Harleigh crashed four times before they were able to stabilize her. She'd never forget the look on the nurse's face when she finally woke up for good. The nurse rattled off her toxicology results, how her blood alcohol level had been just shy of .40, which would have been fatal considering how little she weighed. She also informed Harleigh that she had gotten a hold of a laced bag of dope, that if they had been even five minutes later to find her, the fentanyl in her heroin would have killed her. The toxic combination had caused her arrest four times, leaving her heart permanently scarred, but she was lucky, lucky to have survived at all. Lucky to have woken up without any major deficits, something that could not be said for countless other addicts around the world._

 _It was then, that Sean, Cody and Fiona made the unanimous decision that Harleigh had to go to rehab. Sean agreed to foot the bill, as long as Harleigh agreed to a three-month stay at a local drug rehabilitation center and agreed to work off her debt when she was released. Two days later, she was signing in, leaving her family and friends behind._

"Holy shit," Lip murmured again, his hand instinctively finding hers. "Jesus Christ."  
"Yeah," Harleigh sighed. The sound of a car door opening reminded her that Fiona would probably have a million questions for her. Fiona was very much wrapped up in her own problems, with her wedding only days away and her life finally seeming to come together, Harleigh felt guilty for worrying her friend yet again. "What about you? After that night, what happened?"

She was referring to the night he'd hit her. Even after all that time, he couldn't forgive himself for letting himself lose control enough to hurt the only person in his life who could get him to dig deep and find what was really going on in his life. Lip wasn't a sharer. Lip always concerned himself with other people's problems to avoid his own. He'd done so for as long as he could remember. It was easier that way – easier to deal with life when he was helping other people clean up their messes.

He thought back to that night, a lump forming in his throat as he relived the last time he saw Harleigh all over again.

 _Harleigh had arrived at his dorm after a long, frustrating day. Lip had already been drinking since early that morning, his mind foggy as she pushed her way into his room, her eyes searching his face for anything, any sign of the man he used to be. It was a few months after Al's funeral, the first time Harleigh actually came to check in on him in person._

" _We're all worried about you," she said softly, sitting on the edge of his bed. Her hair wasn't brightly dyed anymore, the red now faded to a muted chestnut, a color so similar to Al's, it made his stomach twist. "Everyone's worried."  
"Why?" Lip growled. He was angry, he wasn't entirely sure why, but he was angry. Angry she showed up unannounced, angry at the way she looked at him, angry that she seemed to be judging him when she was in no better a place herself. "Why?"  
"Because you stopped answering your phone. You stopped checking in. No one's heard from you in weeks," she muttered. "We…I need you, Lip. This has been the hardest couple months in my entire life and you're the only person that exists who can even begin to understand how hard it's been."  
"I didn't know her, I met her for all of five minutes before she got sick. Why the fuck do you think this is hard on me?" he growled, his eyes ablaze as he glared at her.  
"It doesn't change the fact that she was your daughter!" Harleigh cried, tears welling in her eyes. After weeks of hiding in her room, she finally accepted that Al was gone, but the reality of the situation was she'd never fully heal from that wound. No matter how much she'd gone through already, she'd never fully heal from losing Al.  
"You kept her from me," Lip accused, his eyes locking on hers. He took a step towards her, his hands balled into fists. "You could have…you could…" Lip was too wasted to get the words to come out. He wanted to say 'you could have tried harder', but he knew that wasn't fair. Instead, he glared at her with angry, bitter eyes.  
"Listen to yourself," Harleigh screamed, her own eyes flashing with anger. "You're turning into Frank! Drinking your future away, blaming everyone else for your problems! If you kept that bitch Mandy in check, you could have been a part of Alanna's life! She asked about her dad all the damn time! Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep you from her? I was afraid that crazy bitch would kill me!"  
"You could have tried!" Lip screamed, his face now inches from hers. "You could have fucking tried!" He grabbed her by her shoulders, pushing her roughly against the wall. Her head collided with the plaster, anger bubbling in her chest. She made no move to defend herself. In a way, she deserved this. "I am nothing like Frank!" he shouted so loudly, Harleigh shrank back. Then he did the one thing he had never done before. His fist collided with her face, not once, not twice, but three times. When he released her, she slumped against the wall, her hand flying to the busted lip that was dripping blood. She looked at him with wounded, terrified eyes before pulling herself together enough to run from the room, not another word to be said to the angry, drunk man._

 _After she left, Lip punched the wall, the last of the anger finally bubbling over. He slumped to his knees, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He hated himself for what he had just done. Never in his life had he laid a hand on a woman, never. Yet that night he did. He hurt the one person who always came through for him and he hated himself for that. He drank himself unconscious that night, putting the conversation as far behind him as he could._

"I'm sorry," he murmured as he stared blankly at his hands. He wanted to take her hands and never let go. He wanted to take back everything he did to her, but he knew he couldn't. Harleigh may have forgiven him a long time ago, but he couldn't forgive himself, not for that. Not for putting fear in her eyes.

Harleigh was about to say something else, but the backdoor opening caused them both to look up. Chance barreled down the stairs, landing painfully on Harleigh's lap before she had a chance to react.

"Sean dropped your van off at Patsy's, figured you'd need it later," Fiona said as she came outside, a beer in her hand. "Thanks for picking her up," she said to Lip who nodded vacantly. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah," Harleigh nodded hesitantly. "Tell Sean thanks,"  
"Tell him yourself," Fiona smiled as she stepped aside so the older man could step out onto the small porch, his arms crossed in front of him.  
"You missed the meeting," he said, though his tone was gentle.  
"I got caught up," Harleigh sighed. "I needed to see Al."  
"There's another meeting at 8, I'm taking you myself," he said softly.  
"Alright," she nodded slowly. "Thanks."

Fiona and Sean exchanged a worried look before turning to leave the pair on the steps. Harleigh wanted to give Lip a hug, to tell him that she had forgiven him and that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn't. Just seeing him made her remember a simpler time, when life wasn't as messy and every day wasn't a struggle to get through. Instead, she grabbed his hands in hers and squeezed.

"Life's fucked up, but we get past it," she said cautiously, still hesitant to let herself get too close. "Remember the book Fiona used to read to us when we were little? The Dr. Seuss one?"  
"Not really," Lip admitted. He had no idea where she was going with this.  
"You have brains in your head.  
You have feet in your shoes.  
You can steer yourself  
any direction you choose.  
You're on your own. And you know what you know.  
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go..." she recited. She had read the book to Al every night since she was born, it was 'Oh! The Places You'll Go' and despite the book never really making sense to her, she loved the message it sent. "You're smart, Lip, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Yeah, we're South side, yeah, we've been through hell and back home again, we've been dealt shitty hand after shitty hand, but fuck, if getting out isn't our end goal, what the fuck are we doing?" She looked at him with thoughtful, loving eyes. Lip smiled in spite of himself, once more remembering how much that girl…that woman meant to him. She always had a way with making even the worst situations bearable.

"I missed you," he murmured as he let himself scoot closer to her, his hands tightening in hers. "I'm glad you're okay."  
"I'm not okay," she said softly. "But I'm alive and that's worth celebrating."

They shared a comfortably silent moment before both getting to their feet and heading back inside. For the first time since Alanna's untimely death, Harleigh found herself feeling just slightly back to normal. On the flipside, Lip found himself reeling all over again. Harleigh was his best friend, but she came with so many memories attached to her, he wasn't sure he was ready to let her back in just yet. Not fully. There was a lot that she didn't know and he was sure she felt the same. In many ways, he wondered if they'd ever get back what they had before everything happened. Before her brother killed himself and she decided to disappear. Before they'd slept banged and created that beautiful little girl. Before their lives became complicated, messy, fucked up lives that they wouldn't wish on their worst enemies.

Harleigh wasn't sure either. She wanted him to be who she knew he could be, the smart, cocky, sex driven ass hole she fell in love with so many years ago. She wasn't sure where that part of him was hiding, she wasn't sure if she'd ever see that side of him again. She hoped she would. She missed the man she fell in love with, but she also knew that life changed people, some for the better, some for worse. Only time would tell if they'd get past those dark days, much less get past them together.


End file.
